Question regarding Dealing with Local BULLY

--- In Mental_Combat@yahoogroups.com, "bridb711" <bridb711@y...>
wrote:
> Hi, I'm new to the group. I came here because i have a situation of my own on hand, and
figured i could get some insight. I read your posts John, and the only thoughts are that i
feel martial arts ARE a controlled method of fighting not practical in reality. Im not a
bad ass, but i used to be in a gang at one time in my life, and (lol)i never had an aerial kick
pulled on me.

However i've been out of that circuit for 10 years or better now, and haven't been in too
many squabbles since.

Now i have a problem with this 6'3", 250 pounder that i need to resolve somehow,
most likely via fighting him. Im not expecting anyone to take care of it for me, but a few
tips would be most deeply appreciated in defending my wife and I.

Realistically, in the most desperate case, *louie* is sittin right by the door, but it
would be much more admirable to do this with only lefty and righty. If anyone can help me
out a bit, like I said, i would really appreciate it.


Hello,

I can appreciate the fact that you have an imminent situation and you're trying to figure
out the best way to handle it. I'll offer my two copper monetary unit's
worth on this one.

First off I'll say that I must comment on your comment about martial arts in general. There
may be 'some' truth to your remark as I see it. The way that 'some' martial arts are
currently taught is 'not' practical for many reality situations. Not all martial arts classes
or training adequately prepares the student for real violence on it's physical or psychological levels.

The most important thing is that people have to look at martial arts training for what
it is. I believe that ANY and EVERYBODY has the potential for combat both with and without
training. The question is rather or not training will enhance a persons natural ability or
weaken it. The obvious answer may appear to be that ANY training will enhance it. The
truth is that some training will actually weaken some aspects of combat in some ways.

For example, fear that comes from a healthy realization of one's own limitations and
Weaknesses is far better than a false sense of security based on unfounded and unrealistic
false beliefs.

The guy that is a realist may walk away, run or avoid an altercation whereas the
guy that has been convinced that his 'thunder-kick' could stop a charging mountain
lion may run to the fray and face a rude awakening when the guy that he kicks just
looks down at his stomach then laughs before bludgeoning him to death with a pocket
knife.

Now in regards to your particular dilemma I'll say this: Are you sure that the
situation has reached a point to where "fighting him" is inevitable? You should
think long and hard about that one. You mentioned the fact that you have a wife.
Everything you've stated leads me to believe that this is a situation that you can't
escape from. This antagonist either knows where you live or has easy accessto you
(and your wife) in some other way.

Violence is usually NOT the only or the best answer...but sometimes it IS. Mental
Combat is not about tucking your tail and running from every battle (in fact sometimes
it's about running TO a battle that MUST be fought and won!) But think carefully about
it. Everyday we see the results of bad choices that people make. One thing often
leads to another until people find themselves in a no win situation.

It would be impossible for me or anyone else to offer you truly sound advice without
knowing much, much more about your particular situation. There is NO magic universal rule
that applies to all people in all situations all the time. You have to always analyze
each situation and also analyze the person's involved.

Here's what I see about your situation: You said,

"I have a situation of my own on hand, and figured i could get some insight." Now i have
a problem with this 6'3", 250 pounder that i need to resolve somehow, most likely via
fighting him. Im not expecting anyone to take care of it for me, but a few tips
would be most deeply appreciated in defending my wife and I. Realistically, in the most
desperate case, *louie* is sittin right by the door, but it would be much more
admirable to do this with only lefty and righty."

Your words give me a few clues about your situation...
[] You're uncertain about just what you need to do or how.
[] You have a "problem" with this person who has locked his bully radar in on you (and/or your wife?)
[] You're entertaining the idea that perhaps by "fighting" him he'll then decide to leave you alone. That would be your anticipated 'result' of "fighting him".
[] If you don't "resolve" this somehow it's only going to continue and get worse to the point of true endangerment to yourself and/or your wife.
[] If you don't take the lead and handle this pro actively...NOBODY else will do so.
[] You're not a martial artist but would like to resolve this by beating the guy in a boxing match.
[] You're concerned about the guy's size and he's larger than you

Am I right so far?

The best advice that I could give you without knowing ANY of the history or the details is
this: In my Mental Combat books I advocate that the number one single, absolute most
important concept to grasp and understand about the principals of what I call "Mental
Combat" is this...Always seek to know and understand the primary MOTIVATION
factors of your opponent!

This means seek to have a high understanding of just what MOTIVATES Inspires or influences
their behavior. Understand the REASON for why they are doing what they are doing. Everybody
does EVERYTHING for a REASON and a purpose ...EVERYTHING.

They have a reason, a purpose and an objective.
They are seeking something or getting something
that they need by doing this.

IF you could remove their MOTIVATION, Purpose or REASON from the equation you could STOP what
they are doing because they'd no longer have a REASON for doing it.

It's a simple yet a profound concept. If you understand it you'll see how it applies to so
many conflict situations on so many levels.

For example I once had two gang-bangers approach me and a female friend with their guns drawn as
we sat in my car at a stop light.

I instantly understood that they were about to murder us...more importantly
I understood the REASON that they were going to do it.

My instant response after grasping this MOTIVATION instantly was to do something
that would remove their REASON for killing us.

Anything else would not deter them. They had a good enough REASON for killing us in
their mind and to them it was important and it just made sense. No amount of reasoning,
discussion, logic or psychology would have changed it. I needed to REMOVE their MOTIVE
for killing us and I needed to do it quickly.

I did this effectively without even communicating with them directly and it worked.

I've seen and been in many situations like this. So my best advice to you would involve dealing with the
"motivating factors" that are most influencing this guys behavior.

I can assure you that if I understand why you are doing something or contemplating doing something...and if I can remove your motives or your reasons you will not continue to do it. The same applies to ANYONE including this guy that you're talking about.

For example: If I determine that you are standing at a bus stop and the REASON…the ONLY reason that you are standing there is
because you are waiting for a bus WHAT would you do If I convinced you that the bus that you are waiting for is NOT going to show up,
not now, Not today…not EVER. Would you continue waiting at that bus stop for a bus that YOU are now convinced is NOT going to show up?
NO you would not! You would only remain there if you Were also there for some OTHER reason. This is very predictable human behavior. It applies To all of us. REMOVE the persons REASON or as I call it, the Motivation for the Altercation!

In some cases "fighting the guy" and giving him a good butt whuppin will solve the problem ...but that only depends upon what his motives
were in the first place. In some cases it will solve absolutely nothing and you'll still have a problem.

Don't assume anything. Determine what he is most motivated by and figure out how you can best deal with that. Perhaps you can remove
his motivation for messing with you. He may be motivated by a combination of several factors.

I will say this…you cannot I repeat you absolute CANNOT permanently resolve a problem with a person just by fighting them
unless the ONLY reason that they were messing with You was because they wanted to fight you.

Think about it…if a person is picking on you because they hate you and want to hurt you in some Way do you think that after fighting
them and winning that they will now love you and have no desire to hurt you or see you hurt. Now they may hate you more and
have more of a reason to hurt you or see you hurt. If they are still so motivated them then fighting them has not resolved
the problem it has only caused them to rethink just how they will achieve that goal of hurting you.

I know that it sounds bleak but this is realistic because sometimes that's just how it is.

I once had a bully who was intent upon antagonizing me until I resolved that I would call him out and face him to put
an end to the hassle. It worked when he learned that I was not afraid to fight him one on one and with no back-up. He never
bothered me after that…but that was because his MOTIVE for messing with me in the first place was never personal. He was just
an insecure bully who wanted an easy target that put up little or no resistance. When he realized that he'd misjudged me he moved on
to easier targets. But this would only work in those type of situations.

I would suggest that you post something on this board about the specific problems that you're having with this guy, what he is
doing and WHY you think that he's doing it.

I have a particular way of dealing with IDIOTS and it's been proven to be effective but it takes more than just following a few
rules. You have to get in depth into what's really going on.

As for fighting him…in my Mental Combat books I deal with physical combat as well and many of the things that can be done to even the odds
in a real fight. I'm a realist with real fight experience and I don't have time for fluff. I can honestly say that SIZE absolutely DOES matter
and that it ALWAYS matters.

But although having said that I'll also say this…"I would not be overly concerned with this guys size no matter how much
bigger than you he is." If you're talking about a boxing match or a test of strength then I'll place my money on the other guy.
But if you're backed in a corner and left with no other choice there are many ways that you can put this guy down.

If you reject what martial arts has to offer and take an unrealistic position that "martial arts don't work" then you'll miss out on many
of the tools and resources available to you to even the odds.

I've had a number of students come to me with personal problems with bullies and I've shown them just a few things that they could use to deal with the particular problem that they told me about.

I've gotten remarkable results when these people (including my son) came back and told me that when the physical altercation eventually occurred, the few simple moves I'd taught them were what turned it around and caused them to win against these larger, stronger opponents.

I'll say to anyone interested in a short-term crash course on self-defense…FORGET TECHNIQUES. ...ALL of THEM! I'm not saying that they don't or can't work… I'm only saying that it is easier and much more effective to learn and grasp the CONCEPTS behind many
techniques and to train in that area. The CONCEPTS can be taught quickly and easily.

This teaching takes you back to what you first started with in the first place… a combatant who responds to each challenge instinctively and
naturally doing what his mind and body are conditioned to do without much effort. Compare this to a stilted fighter trying to use dozens
or hundreds of stilted `techniques' when the Opponent is NEVER cooperating as smoothly as they always do in class.

I teach students a few basic, simple, technique free way's to respond to some of the most common things that most people will do in a real fight
especially when they are the aggressor. And it works!

So my advice is…don't reject martial arts. IF you absolutely MUST fight and there is just NO way around it the only rule that I advocate are
there: Strike Hard, Strike Fast, Strike First and the ONLY rule is don't lose!"

Striking "FIRST" does not mean that you start it or smack the guy in the mouth while he's just talking, it means that you don't wait until he's
smacked you in the mouth while you're just talking.

It also means that you don't stop until it's over and it's not over until...it's over.